May The Force Be With You

Many years ago, I bought a weird little religious plaque that said- "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand." I got it for its tongue-in-cheek value; it seemed morbid and morose, but the words were written in a very romantic, flowery font. I put it next to a triptych of three open coffins and above my collection of animal skulls. Just to re-iterate, this was many years ago, and I have thankfully lost my fascination with the moribund.


In sobriety, I unearthed this plaque during one of my archeological expeditions in my storage. I laughed at my own expense, but then it hit me. We use words like repent or amend without ever really looking them up, and I have learned in sobriety not to simply assume that my version of anything is THE version, the only version. When I do that, then I am disappointed when the rest of the world does not act in accordance. So, I looked it up.


re·pent 1 (r-pnt)v. re·pent·ed, re·pent·ing, re·pents
To make a change for the better as a result of remorse or contrition for one's sins.


I had previously considered repent to be a state of being deeply, almost suicidally, sorry. And the whole saying- Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand- to mean, "you better be really, really sorry, cuz you're gonna die soon, mother f*cker!"


When I looked up the word repent, I realized how close it is to making amends. Not just to consider one's previous actions deplorable, but to take accountability and change them for the better of all. That altered everything for me. I realized, suddenly, what that plaque now meant, given the new information (bestowed on me in a moment of clarity and grace, allowing me to make the distinction between MY version of reality, and another possibility, which was infinitely more profound )...and it is this-


"When you realize the error of your ways, and set about making them right, then the kingdom of heaven IS at hand." Heaven here and now is available when we are able to repent, to make amends, to set the record straight. I personally don't believe in a heaven hereafter, or a hell down below, I believe it is right here, right now. And when we live right, we experience the kingdom of heaven here on earth. Even if you are not in recovery, this is a spiritual truism that affects us all. "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand."


In one program of recovery that applies an amends process, that requires that we clean up the shame and guilt our past, it says "you will be amazed before you are half way through. You will understand the word serenity, and you will know peace." When we seek the people we have harmed and set the record straight, clean up the wreckage and own our part in it, we heal our little corner of the world. And the more of us that do it, the more we heal the entire world.

For each of us that has gotten sober and made amends, I like to think of all the hurt that has been transformed. Thousands of people, maybe even millions, healed by the power of recovery. What happens in recovery doesn't stay in recovery; it ripples out into the masses and creates a better planet overall. That is why I like to call it a movement; its growing and expanding, affecting many people who are not having trouble with addictions, changing music, art, literature, movies with its message of hope. Recovery is light in a dark world. Its a force to be reckoned with, its truth and healing and love...and if that isn't heaven on earth, I don't know what is.

I am Curious George

Miracles.

I have come to think that miracles come when you look for them. My basis for this comes from my study of the subconscious mind. One thing that I found in my studies is that we only obtain so much input from the world. Our consciousness only allows for what it is present to; for example: lets say you decided you wanted to buy a white Prius. You go and look at them and test drive one and now you are thinking about making the purchase. Oddly enough, it seems everywhere you look you see white Priuses. Everywhere! Its crazy! But....not really. It isn't that there are suddenly more white Prius cars, even if it seems that way. More precisely, it is because you are thinking about them, because they are in your consciousness, that you are noticing them. There are no more now than there were before. Its just an example of how what we think about manifests. It isn't exactly manifesting; miracles are there all along, we just have to be conscious of them, notice them, and act on them.

More than that, we have to be available. Like last week- I had a hell of a day, seemingly- woke up, power was shut off, was laid off the week beofre so didn't have money to pay it, my new boss, beautiful man, helped me. Meanwhile, I had to go in and turn off the breakers and my cat got locked in my room mate's room where the box is. When I discovered him in there, he had pooped on her bedding. Argh!!! Right? Like, enough already! Then I notice there is blood in his stool. I would never have noticed if he hadn't pooped on her light tan comforter.

So, effing hell, I have no money but I am grateful that I now know that he is ill. What to do? The year before I had a scenario with a vet in which they had the scale set wrong and told me my big cat was 5 pounds. I freaked. But we discovered when I brought him back that they had the scale set wrong and he was really 12. I called them. I reminded them what happened and would they like my business back. They gave me a free stool test, normally $60. While there, I sighed as the lady tried to sell me more stuff, saying, "Look, I am having a weird year financially, I can't buy any of that stuff right now." And she said, "Then you need a new experience. Lets manifest good health for your cat and prosperity for you, now." ....HUH? This is the lady at the vet! Wow. She proceeds to give me two website addresses for healing, she said, "there is something you aren't seeing, that oyu don't know is blocking you, contact them." One is www.pranichealing.com, and one is www.nowhealing.com.

I will be investigating those websites because I sometimes do feel there is something I am not seeing that I need to address. And this woman and her information was dropped into my lap by a series of incidents that are not random. I've never had that happen, but even as I sat and waited for the Dr, I thought to myself, "that is a formidable woman, great energy." I had already noticed.

If the power hadn't gone out my cat wouldn't be on his way to healing because I might not have known he was sick. And I wouldn't have gone to that vet, to that woman, with that information to give to me. I will keep you all posted about the Pranic Healing; I am also going to take Kabbalah classes beginning August 31. I am on a quest. I am not on a quest to find God, because my relationship with God is very real, very profound, and very funny. But more to find different ways to see; because if what is in my consciousness will allow me to see what is truly there, then I want to be conscious of different things and see if it organizes my thought processes in a way that creates a clearer experience as a spiritual being on this planet. It is this curiosity that motivates me, and gives me a lot of reason for being. Like Curious George, I put myself in a lot of interesting situations, scratching my head going, "Wow, well now what?" Its when I get to leap. Its when the net appears. Its knowing that it will before we do.

That is what this blog is for. All the little miracles that add up to my life. I spoke to a sponsee a little while ago, and she is just waking up to the beautiful unfolding and synchronicity that life is. I love to see that turn on in someone. It makes me sad when it doesn't. I see people with many years in recovery who aren't not turned on by life, who are not in constant gratitude and delight. You can lead a horse to water, but, you know, can't make him drink it. I am finding that you don't need to lead a horse to water; its everywhere you look.

Join the rest of the gang at-

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Good-Wolf-Wins-if-you-feed-it/135859416453647?ref=ts